The 9 Levers / Read
4 Name the Feeling
Say what they feel. The real issue opens.
When someone is angry or stuck, arguing makes it worse. Say out loud what they seem to feel — "It sounds like this put you in a hard spot." They calm down, feel understood, and tell you what is really going on.
Built from: Never Split the Difference; The Charisma Myth; The Laws of Human Nature; The 33 Strategies of War; You Can Negotiate Anything; King, Warrior, Magician, Lover; The Fine Art Of Small Talk.
Train this lever
- Difficult Conversations Review: Does the Method Work?Our review of Difficult Conversations: the three layers of a hard talk, the Third Story opening, where the evidence is thin, and how to use it at work.
- Never Split the Difference Review: What Works, What BreaksAn honest review of Chris Voss's Never Split the Difference: the five ideas that matter, three places it breaks, and how to use it without being a jerk.
- How to Deal With a Difficult Boss (and Keep Your Spine)A five-step way to work with a boss who is hard to read or hard to please: understand their style, name the real issue and ask for what you need.
- How to Stay Calm When Attacked in a MeetingA boss or colleague cuts you down in front of others. What to do in the first ten seconds, in the rest of the meeting, and afterwards.
- Negotiation Guide: How to Get a Better Deal Without Burning AnyoneA practical negotiation guide for salary, deals and everyday asks: know your walk-away, build options, read the feeling, and keep the relationship.
- What Is a BATNA, and How to Build One Before You NegotiateA BATNA is what you will really do if the deal fails. Learn to build a real one in steps, and why it is your true power in a salary, price or contract talk.
- You Can Negotiate Anything Review: Cohen's Tactics, TestedAn honest review of You Can Negotiate Anything by Herb Cohen: power, time and information, what still works, where the stories fail, and what to use.